For some men, the female body remains a mystery. For some, the idea of finding the clitoris is like asking them to find the lost city of Atlantis; it just can’t be done. And for those of them who do know what it is and where it is, they don’t understand what to do with it. Do they just look at it? Do they poke it? Do they stroke it? Sadly, many women are discouraged from talking about their bodies and sex openly. Although men can talk about “jerking it,” “fapping,” or any other euphemism you can think of for masturbating, women aren’t openly encouraged to talk about what they like (and don’t like) when it comes to how they want to be touched. When men approach a vagina they’re often going in blind, or going in with some big misconception they got from a porn vid they watched online. It’s about time we make sure to clear up some of the myths men may have concerning what (most) women want during mutual masturbation.
Penetration ≠ Orgasm
I once had my ex tell me that, “women have it easy when it comes to sex. We just put our dicks in you and you orgasm. It’s guys that have to do all the hard work.” I can’t tell you enough how happy I was, in that moment, to know we’d broken up.
Unfortunately, this is something that men believe more often than not, and it simply isn’t the case. Vaginal penetration, or penetration of any kind, doesn’t necessarily equal orgasm. In fact, many women won’t orgasm solely from penetration and require clitoral stimulation too. Some won’t orgasm at all from penetration and depend solely on clitoral stimulation. To say “giving her the D” is all you need to do for her to orgasm is like saying throwing paint at a canvas is all you need to paint a masterpiece.
Stop Switching Speeds
Once you realize clitoral stimulation is where it’s at, some guys like to get creative with the speed at which they play……….. Don’t.
Moving from slow to fast, to slow to even faster isn’t the way to get us ladies to orgasm, it’s the way to get us annoyed. For the most part, women need consistency. Sure, it’s OK to gradually build up speed, but abruptly changing the tempo doesn’t make us hot, it throws us off.
You’re Not Rubbing A Stain Out
Once you’ve figured out that abruptly switching between snail slow and F-150 fast isn’t the way to go about turning a woman on, you’ve settled on one speed. Good… except you’re rubbing the most sensitive part of a woman’s body at a 100 miles an hour. There’s literally smoke coming from the point of contact. It’s like you’re trying to erase a pencil mark with one of those dingy pink erasers on the end of a pencil and it’s just making it worse. Staaaaaaahp.
It would seem that more and more men are under the belief that to hit the woman’s g-spot, they need to rub the clitoris at breakneck speeds, or with more pressure than you’d find at the bottom of the ocean. This isn’t the case. The clitoris is, technically, more sensitive than the head of a penis given that is has twice as many nerve endings (around 8000 as opposed to roughly 4000 in men), so applying that much pressure and moving too fast is more damaging than pleasurable. Some women even have hypersensitive clitorises, and applying pressure or too much speed can actually be incredibly painful, meaning you have to use indirect clitoral stimulation. So ask before you speed it up.
A Clit Isn’t A Button; You Don’t Push It To Get Off
Some men think that, rather than rubbing an orgasm out, they’ll poke one out instead. One fingered or two, some men repeatedly “push” the clitoris in an attempt to get their woman off. The problem is that a clitoris isn’t code for “orgasm button,” you can’t just push it and expect instant results. You can’t find it, push it, and can’t instantaneously active orgasm. And much like trying to rub it out, if you push too hard or fast you can actually damage it.
Although a nudge in the right direction can feel good, poking at it like you’re trying to buzz someone’s apartment from the lobby isn’t going to get anyone anywhere fast.
Women Don’t Share A Collective Vagina
Although the last four points are some solid guidelines to follow when performing mutual female masturbation, it doesn’t mean they apply to everyone. Women around the world don’t get to vote on the proper way to masturbate. We don’t all have the same taste. Maybe a woman out there does orgasm the second you penetrate her. Maybe there’s a woman who can only get off if you erratically rub her clit (…yeah ok).
While these rules apply to many women, they don’t apply to all women. The fact of the matter is that what worked for your last girlfriend won’t necessarily work for your current one.
Don’t be afraid to ask for direction or what they like, because it’s only natural to want to please the one you’re with. No one wants to suck when it comes to sex. Alternatively, don’t be afraid to speak up. If you’re not happy with what your partner’s doing, then say something. Sex should be fun, not tedious, and the more everyone knows then the more everyone can start enjoying themselves.