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Random thoughts you have at Starbucks when you fucking hate Starbucks with your entire being.

Starbucks: the factory of fake happiness and coffee that tastes like burnt piss.

anime

Starbucks is like that really annoying kid in class that asks all the really pointless questions during lecture. Just when you thought he skipped the class BOOM he pops up in St-Henri to ruin everything for everyone.

hermione

As you have possibly noticed, I dislike Starbucks.

JOAQUIN!!!

I don’t understand why anyone in their right mind would pay 5,75 $ for a cup of 17 pumps of liquid sugar and hot milk on a daily basis.

will

On top of that, their coffee is not even THAT good at all. There are so many places in the city where you can get your coffee fix (What up, Café Olympico?!) for a fraction of the price without having the after-taste of broken dreams in and around your mouth.

mmmm

I like to think that Starbucks employee training consists of a group of college students being locked in a padded room. For 48 hours. Forced to listen to Norah Jones and Sarah Mclachlan’s ”In the Arms of an Angel” on repeat.

norah

First one to cry gets fired.

The second half of the training consists of being forced to eat stale scones washed down ONLY with Caramel Macchiato syrup. Whoever doesnt fall into a sugar-induced coma or dies gets to be  the one in charge of misspelling everyone’s name.

faint

So the point of this article is nothing, really. Are you surprised? Because I’m not and if you are then I feel bad because that’s a waste of energy right there and I’m not willing to give you a refund unless you have your original receipt on hand #sorrynotsorry

shrug

These are the thoughts that go through my head (and yours by default) when you’re forced to go to Starbucks because there are no Second Cups or McDonalds in the vicinity

burtney

*open door* ”That fucking smell, that Starbucks smell of warmed-up frozen food, public washroom and coffee beans”

eye twitch

”Now I have to wait in line behind all these other fuckers with malfuntioning taste buds and horrible financial management skills…mind you- you can’t expect 18 year old white girls to understand that concept.”

move

”Maybe I’ll get a Rice Krispy square that was made a week and a half ago. No you’re fat, you don’t need it.”

fatty

”I fucking hate this bitch in front of me, I don’t know him personally but that doesn’t matter”

hate

”Do these musicians know that they’re on the Starbucks ”Soundtrack of Forever”

guitar guys

”Sure, I’ll buy a Starbucks brand thermos for 30$, ha”

jessica

”Oh, Free Wifi! Thank God i’m not staying here a second longer than I have to”

ugh

*daydreaming putting bitch in front of me’s head through the sneeze guard while smiling to myself*

nickcageiseverything

”fuck I hope no one thinks I’m laughing all by myself. Maybe they’ll think I’m remembering a funny joke and not imagining the pre-meditated murder of the stranger in front of me for no reason”

”Yes, I’ll have a grande soy Latté- hold the diabetes”

deflep

”1, 2, 3, 7 pumps of syrup, nice!”

cornholio

‘that smell though?! Why do my nostrils burn?”

rocky

*while looking at cup of finished drink that is placed on the counter* ”Is that mine? no that’s hers…well good for you, ”Monica” with a K but the Barista fucked up but how the hell is he supposed to know, that fucking asshole?”

with a k

”Oh man, I should have told them my name was Rasputin…next time.”

anastasia

”Soy latté MINE!!!!’..oh look they spelled my name wrong, they forgot the silent ‘P’ before the ‘M’ LOL JK.”

shirley

”Imagine I put all the Nutmeg in the Moka Bottle and vice-versa, that would be so good yet so bad”

sneaky

”Thank and Fuck you Starbucks, until the next time that I am extremely desperate for caffeine with no other options.”

olé

**kicks door open as I exit**

THE END.

violin

 main image: http://www.news.jeebboo.com

Do you love me as much as I love me? read the rest of my posts here —> http://www.ixdaily.com/users/melissa-nudo

but maybe you’d rather follow me on twitter and by maybe I mean, OBVIOUSLY —> @melissathenudo

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