Ladies, The Gym is No Place to Find a Husband

Do you head to the gym with a fully caked-on face of makeup? Is the purpose of your visit something other than getting fit? Are you wearing an entirely matching workout outfit, and a push-up bra? If yes, I will speak for the other 95% of the gym population: we hate you, leave.

This winter I have upped my visits to the gym, and my biggest gain has not been fitness related. What I have gained is a hatred for the increasing number of girls that look like they are preparing for a workout-themed frat party. I understand that the gym is festering with tosterone-heavy men, but calm your labido; the gym is not the place to find a man. Here's why:

Your Face is Sweating Off

Although it is entertaining to judge you while your concealer and mascara run down your face, you should know that wearing makeup and working out will cause acne. Face makeup clogs pores and when introducing sweat, you are creating a prime situation for breakouts. Do us all a favour and wash your face before going to the gym.


Please Put on Some Clothes

Those neon spandex are not doing you any favours, and your ass cleavage is not impressing anyone.

Honey, That’s Not Working Out

The purpose of the gym and the $75 / month you are paying to be there is to work out. The goal is not to look good while on the cardio machines; it’s to look good in result of the cardio machines. Stop hogging the Stairmaster to show off your ass — you should try actually breaking a sweat.

Is That a Push-up Sports Bra?

If you feel the need to false advertise at the gym then you need to do some soul searching. Remember that if you’re planning on bringing home a gym rat, chances are he is gonna see the real deal.

Who Are These Guys Anyway?

There are basically two types of guys that go to the gym: "The Men" and "The Douche Bags." The guys paying attention to you and not working out are the “Douche Bags”. “The Men” are serious about their fitness; they are not there to pick up a bird. So stop wasting your time getting ready for the gym. Put on a baggy t-shirt, throw up an ugly-bun, and do a real workout. 

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