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What Baristas Truly Think Of You Based On Your Coffee Choice

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal experience as a Starbucks barista. I do not and cannot speak for all of us. Even if my coworkers agree.

I’ve spent many years working at cafés and nothing is quite as irritating as taking orders from customers. I don’t know what it is but I make so many assumptions about you as a person based on what you order. Especially the specific and tedious drinks; they either make you stupid or cruel. I went on the hunt to ask all of you to send in your fave Starbucks concoctions (or I just ambushed you in public about it.)

I've collected quite a few and I’m gonna share a couple of them with you, and by share I mean blatantly insult you on the Internet. #Cyberbully

Iced Unsweetened  Green Tea, no Lemonade.

A Frappucci-no in the middle of the damn winter.

What is wrong with you? I’m sure you must know it’s COLD AF out there. Did you take a look at the snow and think to yourself: “Oh, just be nice to have a cup of fat snow and sugar right now. Seems like a bright idea in this climate.” Most baristas grimace while you smile and act like it’s okay to order this. Even when it’s hot outside, ANY frappuccino is the most. annoying. drink. EVER. Ingredients are all over the place and there are specific and tedious steps to follow for for your 6$ 4-sip drink. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *insert gif of anger from your favorite TV show here*

Cappuccino’s and Iced Cappuccunos and Frrrozen Hot Chocolates or any other drink that is from OTHER CANADIAN CAFES and NOT STARBUCKS.

Don’t play yourself. You are not at your 2$ coffee stop anymore. We know when you’re not a Starbucks person but you don’t have to put on a bougie facade to be accepted into the café. You can be normal.

Triple Grande Nonfat No foam *Insert Specific Temperature* Latte or “BONEDRY. DONT FORGET. NO MILK. REALLY, JUST FOAM. OK?” Cappuccinos

Nobody actually submitted this answer to me, but it’s probably because they are embarrassed. This order does come back a lot though.How can you be so demanding? I understand that for a dollar a sip you should get what you want.. but there’s a fine line between just getting exactly what you want and just barking at your barista. Don’t bark at us. Your triple could end up decaf. Don’t test me!! Your coffee is in my hands!! Also, DON'T REPEAT THE SPECIFITIES ME UNLESS I SHOW THAT IT WAS UNCLEAR TO ME "Decaf Right? Make sure it decaf. " *Right before picking it up, asks again* YO… THERE'S A BIG X ON THE DECAF BOX. Like, we dont just write your name and order of the cup for nothing. Just freaking listen when we call it out, the way we listen when you order it. Ugh, I'm angry just remembering the condescending tones. 

Chai Latte

This drink is fake AF. It’s syrup and water, when we have the real deal available! Ya ya, the syrup made with a concentration of the tea la-dee-bullshit-da. It’s also sugar. A lot of it. And then watered down. When you can just get a “Bombay Fog” which is a “London Fog” (Earl Grey Tea Latte, I feel like Mr.Starbucks doesn’t like us using the term LFog) but with a Chai bag. It’s better. It’s the actual tea steeping as we steam the water with some vanilla syrup and then filled with milk. IT’S BETTER. NOT FROM MY PERSONAL TASTE, IT’S JUST THE TRUTH. Don’t get a Chai Latte just to say you got a chai having zero clue what it is. Also, don’t be the person who comes in asking for a "Tai Chi" instead of "Chai Tea" latte. It makes you look stupid even though it’s an ok mistake to make, or just racist. Because I’m asian.

Peach Tranquility

There’s nothing wrong with this order. It’s perfect. It’s not a basic tea you can just buy in bulk at Costco. In my opinion, worth coming into Starbucks for. :))))))))) EVERYBODY DRINK TEA PLEASE.

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Join the Conversation ! Slide into my DMs or Snapchat me your favorite Starbucks drink, and I will judge you:) @sheaintcool

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Written by maricar

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